Awkwardness

Have you ever experienced the situation like mine? You expressed your feeling to someone you adore and after you did, you felt awkward and lost? I don't call it a confession because I don't think I should as I couldn't expect everyone to have the preference like i do. There're too many things that I worried before I sent her that song. I was afraid that she might hate it or worse... freak her out. Actually I did not know why i recorded the song? perhaps it's my interest to music. During the recording, I kept thinking of her and because of that, it makes the song completed.

I started to play guitar 2 years ago, unfortunately I only able to attend a month's guitar lesson due to the time constrain. Therefore I self-taught, learn chords and songs by myself. That was the first time that I successfully recorded a full song with my singing and strumming. It's not a clear confession but an achievement that I wanted to share with her. To be asking her to be with me is same as forcing me to become straight... so how can i be so cruel to make her feels miserable.

I hope the awkwardness will be gone soon... as i couldn't bare to lose someone as sweet as she is. Sometimes i love to be tipsy or drunk so that i could talk to her on the phone. There's the only moment that I got the gut to call and talk to her. I miss her dearly... I miss her like a fat kid misses his favourite cakes.

Grace, my ex colleague in-crime told me if I really like someone, i should just go ahead, instead of wondering and asking her regarding to someone she doesn't know. She's the one who encouraging me to do so. Eventhough i'm feeling awkward at the moment, I'm glad that i took my gut to send her that song. Thanks eelecarg!

Online questionnaire (grabbed from Mia Nolting):
:: Do you love me? :: (Check one)
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Maybe
( ) In more ways than one